When Kate’s dear friend Claire reveals her stage IV melanoma diagnosis, Kate learns how devastating and complex advanced melanoma can be.

Kate hadn’t chatted to Claire in a few weeks but that wasn’t unusual with busy lives of friends in different cities. Kate was happy to see Claire’s name pop up on her phone one sunny afternoon and she lay on the couch ready to hear about the fun things happening with her dear friend.

Claire got to the point quickly. “I’ve been diagnosed with stage IV melanoma on my lung.”

Kate wasn’t prepared for that. What does that mean? Kate had never bothered to learn the detail of cancer simply because she hadn’t needed to. Isn’t melanoma on your skin? How did it spread to other parts in the body? What’s stage IV? 

Claire was definitely not her usual bubbly self. Kate knew it must be bad or worse than bad. Yikes. 

Kate was in shock. Her mind scrambled to connect skin cancer with organs. It felt like a mistake. Kate was processing the news in waves but trying terribly hard to listen to all that Claire needed to tell her. 

Kate didn’t want to say the wrong thing, but Claire was using words Kate had never used before—metastasis, immunotherapy, oncologist. Kate made a mental note to upskill in this language that she had never wanted to learn to better support Claire. 

Kate held a common misconception that melanoma is just a skin thing. But she soon learnt through Claire that melanoma is aggressive and sneaky. If it gets past the safety nets of the skin’s upper layers, it enters the highway system of the body—the lymphatic system and the bloodstream. Once there, it can set up camp anywhere. Hearing that it’s in the lungs doesn’t mean it’s lung cancer; it means melanoma cells have traveled there.

Kate realised that Claire was getting ready for a daunting and difficult fight.

Claire explained to Kate the barrage of scans, blood tests and treatment options she was navigating. Claire talked about the stress for her family. Claire was frustrated that her body wasn’t doing what it was supposed to do. Kate understood that melanoma had forced Claire to put her ‘old’ life on hold. 

Kate was never one for unhelpful positivity and wishy-washy statements. She knew Claire had a lot of support at home and understood Claire was still processing what melanoma meant for her days, weeks and months ahead. The fact Claire had made the phone call today had likely taken significant effort. Kate didn’t want to add to Claire’s burden.

As she listened, Kate made a commitment to visit Claire more often to just be there to listen and help as she could. Kate would be on the other end of the phone anytime Claire needed. Kate had a lot to learn and process.

But to her dear Claire on the other end of the phone, she said the only thing she could think to say, “I am so incredibly sorry. I don’t know what to say, but I am right here with you, and we are going to take this one day at a time.”

A Note for the “Kates” Out There

If you’ve just received a call like the one Kate did, take a deep breath. Advanced melanoma is incredibly serious, but the landscape of treatment has changed more in the last decade than it did in the entire century prior. Immunotherapies and targeted therapies are changing outcomes in ways that used to be impossible.

Don’t panic-search the internet. Just be a friend. Sit in the quiet with your Claire, let them cry, let them be angry, and when they are ready, help them carry the weight of the next step.